Ghouls on Film

The first photo from Tim Burton’s re-imagining of gothic ’60s soap opera “Dark Shadows” has been unearthed!

Scheduled to be published in the newest issue of Entertainment Weekly, the photo was also received by and shown on an Italian Johnny Depp fansite.

The still shot from the film shows Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins, the centuries-old vampire who has been coffin-bound for over 200 years and awakens in the present-day New England town of Collinsport, and Michelle as Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard, MILF (Matriarch I’d Like to Friend on Facebook) extraordinaire.

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“The Secret Circle” is midway through its first season.  Considering the show revolves around a coven high school-age witches, it’s only fitting to put the show up for review utilizing a time-honored scholastic tradition: the report card.

Will these teen witches be grounded for bad grades? Read on!

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Ken Russell, Oscar-nominated director of such freaky-deaky films as “Lair of the White Worm,” “Gothic,” and 1971’s notorious “The Devils,” passed away at the age of 84.  Known for his perfectionism and eccentricities, the director was once cited as “the British Fellini.”

Russell pushed what censors deemed as the boundaries of “good taste” in his film by straddling the line between fine art and whack-a-doo filth and frequently raising questions (and *ahem* other things) regarding human sexuality and the Church.
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The 1988 horror film “The Unnamable” is something of a misnomer since the titular creature actually does have a name.

It’s “Alyda.”

“Miss Winthrop,” if you’re nasty.

The film, a glorious piece of ‘80s cheese based loosely on a H.P. Lovecraft tale, sees a bunch of horny Miskatonic University students staying overnight at the creepy old Winthrop House on a dare. Local lore states that over 200 years ago, colonial sorcerer Jonathan Winthrop’s wife gave birth to a baby girl that was hideously deformed and at least half-demon. Supposedly, this centuries-old she-demon still walks the halls of stately Winthrop Manor, bound to the house by a spell cast by her father.

As the ill-fated college students soon find out, Alyda is alive and well … And pretty damn hungry.

But that’s not why you came to read this piece, is it, now? You came to talk ta-tas, right?

Granted, Alyda is a little something out of the ordinary from the ladies (barely) covered in previous “Rack Attack” installments. However, we gals at Ghouls On Film believe that even hideous monsters with spectacular sets of breasticles should be given their due. We’re all about showcasing female beauty of all kinds.

Think of us as a Dove commercial. With lots of blood.

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“Halloween III: Season of the Witch” is the unfairly maligned, redheaded stepchild of the franchise. It’s the only entry in the entire “Halloween” series that does not feature Michael Myers as a main character, let alone the major antagonist of the film.

Even the writing/directing team was different this time around. (John Carpenter and his wife penned the first two “Halloween” installments with Carpenter directing the first. This time around, Tommy Lee Wallace both wrote and directed the film.) The only common thread “Halloween III” retained was the same John Carpenter theme music as the previous two films and all those that would follow.

The closest analogy I can muster regarding “Halloween III” would be to liken it to Motley Crue’s self-titled 1994 album – the first and only album to feature John Corabi as lead vocalist in place of Vince Neil. Technically, it was a Motley Crue album. However, it sounded nothing like the band’s previous efforts. Rather than the familiar trappings of amped-up, sexually charged pop-metal, the 1994 album cloaked itself in pseudo grunge. The element of danger was still there and it was a very good album… It just wasn’t a Motley Crue album.

The same can be said for “Halloween III: Season of the Witch”: It was a very good horror movie … It just wasn’t a “Halloween” movie in the sense that fans of the franchise were expecting.
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