22, May, 2019

My Steps On The Way To Barbiturate Hell

My Steps On The Way To Barbiturate

I was just a month and a half into my addiction to barbiturates when things in life started to go downward. What became something I used on an average of twice a week quickly ended up being a daily thing. This would be one of the biggest mistakes I’ve regretted making to this day. I had no idea that this would lead me down a path where some of my friends would no longer speak to me. It also lead to a lot of discord between myself and my parents. And it lead me to make more bad decisions and paying the price for it.

To the best of my memory, here’s how it all went down.

1. The “Honeymoon” phase

By now, you probably know about the breakup I had with my high school girlfriend. Just hours after the breakup, I went to a party so I could keep my mind off of what happened. It was there when a guy approached me at the party, and he gave me a couple of pills to relax. I couldn’t get enough of the relaxed feeling. This is the part where you start to get to know barbiturates. You like it from the start. And after a while, you begin to like it even more. You start needing a small amount to get high.

2. The “Settled In”

At this point, I was taking double the original amount to get that same relaxed feeling I would get when I began taking it. When that happened, that meant spending more money on more pills. At the same time, you start to go from using barbiturates a couple of times a week to almost daily. The financial implications soon start to hit you. When you spend money on things that masquerade as “comforts,” you forget about the real priorities. You fall short on your bills. You start to forget that the monthly rent is due the first of the month. And if you fall behind, your landlord throws you out.

3. The Desperation Phase

This is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. It is at this stage where life for me had reached the lowest point. Because I was consistently late, I ended up getting fired from my job. It was also at that point where I was starting to get scared of being evicted from my apartment. To make matters worse, I was running low on barbiturates. The need for them was much higher. I took the last few I had in the bag and felt nothing. I was agitated, and I didn’t have enough to get another bag. Desperate times called for desperate measures. And that desperate measure could be enough to land you in jail for such things like theft and burglary.  When you need the money to satisfy an addiction, most resort to theft. They steal what they could and attempt to sell it for a quick profit. I should know because I’ve done it enough times and paid the price with multiple stints in jail.