23, Jan, 2020

My Biggest Nightmare of Barbiturate Abuse

Nightmare of Barbiturate Abuse

I woke up to a bunch of white lights shining above me. My first thought was that I was dead. But I wasn’t. I woke up in a hospital room after being found unconscious in my car. The car that I was living out of after being evicted.

Already, I had been in jail at least three times. I also lost contact with my friends. Some of them even telling me to my face that if I didn’t pull my head out of my ass, I would never hear from them again. I had no contact with my family since I got into an argument with my parents about what really happened to me about my job and living situation. I was living a nightmare. And my desperate attempt to escape nearly cost me my life.

What lead to my “rock bottom”

I was six months into my addiction to barbiturates when things got worse. I was consistently late for work because I would take just enough to put me to sleep for a long time. I was lucky on most days just to wake up an hour before I got ready for work. I’d shower, get dressed and go to work. Not once did I ever think of giving my boss the courtesy of telling him I was running late. One day, he said enough was enough and told me to go home. An hour later, he called me and told me don’t bother coming in for work at all. I was fired from my job. My one way to pay for my fix was gone just like that. What was worse was I was behind on my rent and was close to eviction.

It wasn’t until the following month; my landlord finally kicked me out. Ashamed of going to my parents and asking for help, I decided to live out of my car. I had lost contact with them after a blowout with them. They found out about one of my theft convictions. I had lied to them about living with a friend and how work was fine. Here I was, living out of my 2006 Saturn behind a Denny’s. The one positive thing was some of the kitchen staff was nice enough to give me something to eat when I was hungry.

My near fatal moment

I discovered a bag of pills that was hidden in my car’s glove box. I had forgotten about it before because I hid it before I was due to go to jail. Finally, I thought. I ended up taking my “usual” dose.

Of course, it wasn’t long until I took more. The next thing I remember, it finally kicked in, and I started to relax and fall asleep. Between the time I was unconscious and when I awoke, one of the cooks working noticed that I was slumping in my driver’s seat. Concerned, he dialed 9-1-1. I didn’t know until I was awakened that at one point, I was not breathing and near death. Luckily, the medics were able to revive me just in time.